Lesson Learned (And Damn Was It Worth It)

Namaste, Y'all,

One of the biggest lessons that I learned last year was in being stoic, saying no, and sticking to it—guilt- and shame-free. A great deal of my life was spent in situations where I was devalued, and instead of moving on from the truth that was revealed, I would come crawling back like a scorned dog with its tail between its  hind legs. Being raised in a Christian occult environment, I was conditioned to accept suffering as the way, the truth, and the light, so it's a no-brainer as to why I continued this behavioral pattern well into my adulthood, as did so many of us, especially coming from strict religious communities. It makes me angry to think that the biggest source of personal power theft is sourced through religion. Many of us have spent lifetimes holding toxic space for beliefs that work against our greater good for living a fully expressed life. It's more important to champion stunted growth instead of exercising one's free will; it's plain insanity. How existing in denial can be interpreted as healthy is beyond me. Look at the infinite amount of stories we have concerning lovers being torn apart due to their families's beliefs. Love has no religion or identity crisis, but best believe religion certainly does. And we wonder why the world is trapped in the cyclical systems it refuses to acknowledge the truth about.

I'd be lying through my pores if I said that embracing my cut-off game was a breeze, because it was not. Remember, I've spent years in a chaser mindset that has shaped my perception into accepting delusional behavior as the norm. So I had to move through some deeply rooted issues in my subconscious that were painful to face and, honestly, left me feeling pissed off a great deal of the time due to the story around the seeded intentions. Looking in the mirror of your soul is not for the faint of heart, which is why most people would rather remain stuck in a negative (fear, addiction, self-loathing) mindset. Once you see the reasons for your current state, you have to take responsibility and accountability for your well-being—no excuses, no filtered lenses. It was more challenging trying not to stay in anger and resentment for the conditioning than to finally set up the boundaries. No wonder it's called ego death and dark night of the soul. Waking up and realizing that your life has been controlled and manipulated through fears that never existed is taxing on your being. Shouldering the burden of man-made illusions is insane when you finally clear the grips of the boogeyman. And why hasn't anyone seen this creature? Why are we embracing him and not the cosmic law of free will? These two questions have weighed on my consciousness for the past few years. Fear is either the ultimate manipulator or the fuel provider to take risks. Choosing which energy to execute is where using your discerning skills comes into play. If you want to remain in place, then go for the fear of change mode; if you're desiring to break free and discover life on a new timeline, then embrace the fuel concept. Both are powerful in their own right, but only one will propel you forward.

I must say that another challenging aspect of being stoic was the resistance and persistence from the people who were used to the old version of me. They had more difficulty accepting the new me than I did setting the boundaries. This was proof that I was on the right track, and they were comfortable in their discomfort. Not having access to my emotional triggers became my superpower. They were accustomed to my defenses being weakened through reacting to their projections, keeping me connected to their manipulations. When you react, you're sending a message that is interpreted as you deserving their mistreatment towards you because you're seen as crazy, even though they're gaslighting you. I drew my inspiration from the story of Job in the Bible, who never reacted to the devastations he endured. His wife would constantly gaslight him into acting out towards God, but he responded with a calm knowing that his life was going to be fine as long as he didn't engage in anger and rage, as his wife was doing. The biggest surprise for me was how I was able to develop my cut-off game by remaining focused on a victorious outcome, which was that they will no longer be in my energy by taking this action. Once I owned my firm resolve to keep moving forward and detach more each time the psychic attacks were thrown my way, it became easier to take command of my emotions and reaffirm my new mindset. Here's why it's important to recall your past situations where your no meant no, and not no right now. It helped me to draw from the strength that I accessed to cut the emotional cords from key partnerships in my past. But now, I see the importance of creating healthy boundaries with everyone in my life. Now I place people right where they are and need to be, instead of trying to be Rescue Roger - the eternal, abused healer. Now their attacks are pointless because they're after a dead version of me, and their karma is more real than they could ever perceive. What we do to others will come back to us. Make sure you'll be able to weather the storms you projected onto the others who made it through, because they could very well take you out; we have countless testimonies of this.

Love, light, and happy healing,

@Terry Perkins