Healing People Pleasing Addiction

Namaste, Y'all,

I had an epiphany during my meditation the other day regarding a behavior that I no longer engage in—playing Rescue Roger. For most of my life, I've been addicted to people-pleasing (on steroids). Also, I want to emphasize that I no longer engage in this behavior, which makes that aha moment all the more impactful. Sometimes spirit will sit you down and show you things that you've overlooked that are gifts of achievement, and this is a major one for me. It began in my childhood, where I was forced into an environment where I sought the attention and approval of toxic adults. You were never good enough, white enough, rich enough, or Christlike enough for them, nor were they to each other. It was a cesspool of fear-based, ego-power-hungry souls, riddled in guilt and shame for simply existing. Expressing joy or any ounce of happiness was not well received because you were thought of as fake. Only suffering and celebrating life inside the confines of church and religion were deemed acceptable and worthy to a degree. 

So I spent most of my adulthood trying to get people to be happy with themselves and me. Talk about high expectations founded in delusion. You'd think I'd learn by the time I reached my mid-30s that this was not a healthy way of living. Oh, on the contrary, I was just getting started. The ways and means I created and engaged in to just get someone to smile were ridiculous, as was me celebrating my little devious victory at the end, which was nothing more than mental masturbation. Manipulation tactics are still engaging in controlling others, whether it's positive or not. It dawned on me that this was precisely what I was doing, controlling a desired outcome against someone's will. That realization was very humbling, to say the least. Being made consciously aware of abuse on any scale is a scary thing to face, especially when you assume that the behavior is harmless. How easy it is to carried by emotions of grandeur.

Now I have established boundaries that are healthy and easy for me to maintain. Matching the emotions of those I encounter to get 'an in' is no longer a coping mechanism. Either we connect and it's all good, or I withdraw. Plain and simple. The runner-chaser syndrome ain't my friend anymore. Being sovereign and clear are far more comfortable and advantageous for my emotional well-being. The individuals whom I used to hold partnerships with where I was the energy supply has been cut off, even some family members. It's exhausting and disappointing, giving your life force to someone who fails to return in kind. So, yeah, I have some bitter folks miffed about this new version of self they now have to encounter. My happiness is an inside job, and they need to find theirs in their own way.  They have to be responsible and accountable for their welfare, not me. 

@Terry Perkins