Musings of A Modern Hermit

Can one miss what they never had? Why do we assume that when a blood relative dies, the survivors are going to grieve them? And how do we respond to those who have not experienced having to deal with a narcissistic character? I ask these pertinent questions regarding my father's passing last week and some reactions to it with others. It was eye-opening, to say the least, the ways that people deal with death and the survivors. And in my case (and my immediate family), it really was about survival. My father was a textbook narcissist and sociopath. He existed to create havoc and drama through seduction and not much else. He left a slough of toxic waste for the souls he projected his unhealed wounds and sick and twisted head games he inflicted upon his victims. Likewise, he was a predator, a sex addict, a drug abuser, and a stalker. He patrolled his prey's territory with vigilance like a crazed security guard. The amount of energy, time, and resources to keep up his facades (and t...

Namaste, Y'all, I had an epiphany during my meditation the other day regarding a behavior that I no longer engage in—playing Rescue Roger. For most of my life, I've been addicted to people-pleasing (on steroids). Also, I want to emphasize that I no longer engage in this behavior, which makes that aha moment all the more impactful. Sometimes spirit will sit you down and show you things that you've overlooked that are gifts of achievement, and this is a major one for me. It began in my childhood, where I was forced into an environment where I sought the attention and approval of toxic adults. You were never good enough, white enough, rich enough, or Christlike enough for them, nor were they to each other. It was a cesspool of fear-based, ego-power-hungry souls, riddled in guilt and shame for simply existing. Expressing joy or any ounce of happiness was not well received because you were thought of as fake. Only suffering and celebrating life inside the confines of church and ...

Namaste, Y'all, Today I want to address a topic that a fellow tarot/oracle reader brought up a few weeks ago that's stuck in my consciousness like crazy. It's about meeting people where they are, not where we expect, assume, or wish them to be so we can interact with them on common ground. Personally, for me, this has been a long string of disappointing relationships due to me not exercising discernment and discretion. I show up ready and willing to be my authentic self and have hope that everyone I encounter is doing the same. While there's nothing wrong with hope, there is that glaring thing called reality. Most people are existing behind a facade that houses their fears and permeates a delusional outlook on life. Being open minded is dangerous when risk taking has been shunned in place of complacent discomfort to fit a false sense of security narrative. I existed in these spaces for most of my adulthood. Embracing beliefs around humility and shame prevented me from e...